


Gotham Nine Nine

by sunkelles



Series: titaniumsansa's birthday-palooza 2018 [3]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Gen, Gotham City Police Department, Gotham Rogues - Freeform, my extensive knowledge of the dc comics universe is finally coming in handy, terrible sex jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-07 21:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14679729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkelles/pseuds/sunkelles
Summary: "Newsflash!" Gina says, "Everyone who’s anyone has had a sordid affair with a Gotham Rogue!"





	Gotham Nine Nine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [titaniumsansa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titaniumsansa/gifts).



> jake: there is so much crime in gotham. no one should live here

Gina Linetti laughs. It’s not a sweet laugh. It’s more like a maniacal laugh. If the rest of the team didn’t know that sometimes she does actually laugh like that they would be concerned about an infestation of Joker Gas. Isn’t living in Gotham fun?

“Who does this woman think she is?” Gina demands, “Telling the Metropolis Inquirer all about her sordid affair with Scarecrow like she’s hot shit because of it. Newsflash! Everyone who’s anyone has had a sordid affair with a Gotham Rogue.”

“You’ve had a sordid affair with a Gotham Rogue?” Charles asks skeptically.

“Of course I have,” Gina says, “do you think I stan Deadshot because I’m a big fan of gun violence?”

“You slept with _Deadshot_?” Charles squeaks.

“What can I say,” Gina says, “I like a bad boy. And that beard? _Damn_.”

“A bad boy,” Charles says, “have there been more than just Deadshot?”

“Well,” Gina says, “I slept with Red Hood that one time, but he’s working with the Bat Fam again. IDK if that counts anymore.” Charles looks around the room at the rest of the team. They all seem entirely too nonchalant about this whole “Gina slept with two super villains” thing.

“No one’s the least bit concerned that Gina slept with two super villains?”

“Charles,” Jake says gently, “sleeping with a super villain is almost a requirement for members of the GPD.”

“You slept with a super villain?!? HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD ME?” Charles demands.

“Well,” Jake says, rubbing the back of his neck, “I was kinda afraid you’d react like this.”

“Who was it.”

“Catwoman,” Jake admits.

“You slept with CATWOMAN!?!”

“She’s really hot, Charles,” Jake says, “she’s hot and confident and smart. How was I supposed to resist that? She wears leather! From head to toe, Charles! Leather!”

“Amy, you aren’t concerned by this?” Amy shrugs.

“I’ve known about it a long time,” Amy says, “and come on. It’s Catwoman. Even Batman’s slept with Catwoman.”

“Yeah,” Jake says, sending Amy a pointed look, “at least I didn’t date a super villain.”

“At least mine was romantic,” Amy says primly, “The Riddler made me a romantic scavenger hunt to find him.”

“He was her second most serious boyfriend,” Jake says.

“How was I supposed to resist him?” Amy demands, “his entire gimmick is clever puzzles! I _live_ for clever puzzles!”

“I’m just teasing you, Ames,” Jake promises.

“I’m sure that someone else here dated a super villain,” Amy says. Rosa looks away suspiciously.

“HA! I knew it!”

“Poison Ivy is a very devoted girlfriend, okay!” Rosa shouts. Terry’s looking a little too intently at his shoes.

“Wait,” Charles says, “did you- did you sleep with a super villain too?”

“Harley Quinn is really cute, okay? It was before Terry was married.” He doesn’t look up from his shoes. Captain Holt chooses then to finally walk into the main room.

“Oh thank god,” Charles says, “the Captain’s here. Captain, please. Restore some sanity to this room. Tell me that you’ve never slept with a Gotham super villain.”

“I can tell you that I’ve never slept with a Gotham super villain,” Holt says, in a strange tone of voice.

“Wait,” Gina says, “that’s not the look of a man that didn’t sleep with a super villain. Where was he from?”

“Central City,” Holt says, much too casually. Jake gets that absurdly excited look on his face.

“Oh my god, who was it?”

“Pied Piper,” Holt says, and Jake gasps in excitement, “and yes, he was satisfactory in bed.”

“Oh my god!” Jake shouts again.

"No," Amy says, looking down at her hands, "I don't want to think about my dad having sex." 

Charles shouts, “Am I the only one in this precinct that hasn’t slept with a super villain?”

“I slept with Clayface once,” Hitchcock supplies, “it was quite an experience.” Scully raises his hand.

“Does being mauled by Cheetah count?”

“No, Scully,” Charles says.

“But it was a very sexy mauling-“

“Alright,” Charles says, meeting Jake’s eyes, “I don’t feel self-conscious about this anymore. Crisis averted.”

“As always, thanks to Hitchcock and Scully for being absolutely nasty,” Jake says. The two grin.

“Why thank you, Jake,” Hitchcock says.

“That wasn’t a compliment,” Rosa says.

“But we will take it,” Scully says. The super villain alarm sounds, and Holt takes out his phone to see what the alert is.

“The Joker has released a few canisters of his gas downtown,” Holt says, “they need all units to respond.”

“Wait, wait,” Charles says, “before we leave, no one here slept with the Joker, right?” The entire room shakes their head no.

“Oh, thank god,” Charles says, “at least there’s some semblance of sanity left here in Gotham.”

**Author's Note:**

> holt slept with pied piper years and years ago when he looked like frank pembleton from homicide: life on the street and pied piper looked like he does on the flash. 
> 
> the harley quinn and deadshot are both the suicide squad versions, but other than that i don't really care who you imagine. you can use your imaginations


End file.
